I GOT FAN MAIL!!!!!!

I love getting confirmation that I am an essential ruling force and mentor in someone's life. I mean, I know this already, but I love the opportunity to let everyone else know it too...

Here's the note I received:

Topic: I need a ruling on this one...

If a radio station plays Meatloaf's "I would do anything for love (but I won't do that)" EVERY single day:
What course of action can I take against the radio station?
What should I do with the body of my co-worker who insists we listen to
this station?
How much money does Meatloaf personally owe me in compensation?

Your thoughts kindly and promptly please, as I would like to action this ASAP.

cheers
Meph

Dear Meatloaf-Maniacal Meph,
I am glad you came to me right away. We have no time to waste on this critical issue. I would suggest that instead of trying to eliminate said colleague right away, you might wish instead to fill his /her mind with facts about Meatloaf that just might knock down the apparent coolness factor just a little. For instance, try revealing such tidbits as "Meatloaf used to be an accountant" and "Meatloaf got his nickname not because he in fact has a "meaty loaf" if ya know what I'm saying, but rather because he once clumsily stepped on his high school coach's foot who in return called "Marvin" a big meatloaf." Not so cool now, is he? I believe you will find this might work to convince your colleague to alter his/her tastes. On the other hand, a good ravine should buy you a couple months of escape time.

In terms of the radio station, I suggest you begin calling the station every hour on the hour and singing your own rendition of the song in question. You may find yourself getting screened by the people who...umm...screen things...but if you get creative you should be able to come up with accents, voice altering technology (see darth vadar voice-box mask below) and so on. Posing as Trucker-Joe giving a "traffic-jam update" or Housewife Sally entering the "name the last five songs contest" should get you on-air, at which point you can resume your rant.

Meatloaf owes you approximately $19.95 per gold classic CD collection that he has sold on the home shopping network.

Best of luck Meph, and don't worry about compensating me for this advice, as you know, I would do anything for love...and so on.

Cheers,
Sweet-toothed vegetarian.